- Try to determine the overriding reason behind their
resistance to moving, e.g., denial, fear, pride, a "stubborn
personality", not being ready, etc. Understanding "why" may help
you choose the most appropriate strategy for overcoming their
resistance.
- Involve the person, as much as they're comfortable
with, in planning for the move and give them as much opportunity as
possible to make choices, if there are choices. ("Let's go look
at some of the apartments and you can choose whatever place you like
the best. Or you can move in with us. I'll go along with
whatever you decide.") Keep in mind that there is a difference
between making the decision, which the caregiver might have to do, and
participating in the planning, which the impaired person can be
encouraged to do. If a person is too impaired to understand what
is happening, it may be better to make the move without the added
stress of involving them in decisions about the move.
- If it's early in the disease, try explaining the need
to move in a reassuring way, but avoid getting into lengthy discussions
or explanations, which often increase their resistance. ("Dad,
you left the stove on yesterday, and I want you to be safe.")
- Use another reason, other than Alzheimer's, for the
move. ("Mom, it's just not safe for you to live alone in this
neighborhood anymore.")
- Understand and acknowledge the person's feelings from
their perspective; they're giving up their independence and it's
extremely hard for them. Enlist their support in the
process. ("I know it's hard to leave your house and it will be an
adjustment for both of us. Thank you for helping me make this
move as easy as possible.")
- Play up the advantages of the move. ("Since you
don't have a car, we'll be able to take you anywhere you want to go if
you move in with us." Or, "At the senior apartments, you won't
have to worry about shoveling snow." or any household chore you know
they particularly dislike.)
- Enlist the support of the person's physician, perhaps
even asking them to write a letter. (E.g., "As you know, you have
experienced short-term memory loss for some time now as well as - any
other medical condition. For your health and safety, I'm
prescribing a comfortable apartment for you at _______ where you will
be able to get some additional support but keep your
independence.") This will provide the person the opportunity to
read and re-read the explanation and removes the burden from the family.
- It is often helpful for a person with dementia to move
before their illness becomes too severe so that they can better adjust
to their new environment.
- Be prepared for a period of adjustment. Help
them by putting cues, favorite items, and orienting material in the new
location.
- If appropriate, consider including this decision in
the early stage planning process. Open, early, and continual
communication can help the person with dementia and their family to
agree on a course of action before a crisis occurs.
- Slowly introduce the person to the new location
several times before the move occurs.
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